despair

A Stupid Prayer

Forgive me my falseness
I don't know how to be honest
I've always been so selfish
and I've always wanted to be so special

if anything or anyone hears me
when I whisper to myself at night
in the dark, under the covers,
I hope you understand I had no chance

I couldn't hear you, I couldn't see you
and all my words just fell into silence
for every beautiful feeling
it seemed I had to hurt someone

I didn't know why or how to love
or why I was born wanting to
and if you can hear me, please
tell me nothing is lost

because even though this was a spoiled life
I don't want it to be swallowed
into the darkness before and after time -
please tell me you know me,

you forgive me, you lay your hands on me,
you gather my little life into eternity,
you see through my eyes, you listen
with my ears, you kiss with my lips -

tell me these words aren't useless
as we wander through our weird cities
and sleep all tangled together
and breathe sweet smoky air

I woke up as a flame in a fading light
and maybe I know who I am
maybe it's a vast and funny harmony
but I'm so tired, please will you carry me