ecstasy

Mama Kali

Mother, let's begin.
    Ramakrishna swooned at your feet
drowned in black wines, and you lapped
at his wounds
tenderly, like a cat with the runt of the litter
raw and trembling and wet and sightless
he was lost in spiritual darkness
a cave opening up and singing endless -
endless space, endless cold, endless heat
and endless unmarked time
    falling like Alice
into the mind-rock, the heart-chamber
the hollow earth

We've been waiting here for years
for you finally to give birth
we are brothers and sisters of primordial forest
snuggled lightless among roots and ferns
sometimes the air is sweet and thick with rain
sometimes the sky crumbles and burns
Mother,
    did you
        leave us behind?
Or did we simply go blind
and deaf and dumb, amnesiacs running
as if in a nightmare, and was it you
chasing us after all, was it you
carrying us when we slept?
What we thought were rivers and seas
or the arms of another,
was that really you all along, Mother?

(We're having trouble with father)
(he's been angry for thousands of years)
(and he refuses to forgive us our sins)
but Mother, we are who we are
we are as we were made
we won't lie any more
please love us as you made us

Mother, here are garlands and pinches of herbs
here are fruits and young leaves and seeds
here are incense sticks and sugar cubes
and oils and soaps and -
this is a picture of you, Mother, this is a statue -
- do you like them?
  - do you forgive us?
    - will you come home?

Mother, there are skeletons with scythes
dancing in the valley where we buried daddy
when the blood-rage finally ate his heart
and babies are growing there among the weeds
and the skeletons are black-boned and giggly
and they lop! the babies' heads off
as they sprout through the spring soil
and shot into our graves like a bullet from a groin
we are your sown seeds and dad's death-harvest

Mother, what we wished for never came,
and it was you, it was you -
here are milk sweets, here is rice and wine -
the offerings rot in the bowls year after year
and you tell us that you never left?
Mother, have we been insane all our lives?
Mother, is this not the real world at all?

Mother, did you travel through my dreams?
Were you the virgin girl with painted fingers
who kissed me after the car wreck?
Were you my guide in the ancestral asylum
walking through tableaus of genetic ritual
with my small hand
            in yours
                    did we
say goodbye to daddy sweating before the pig ovens
did we fall deep into the black together?
Did you stand up in the shallows and brush
sand from a waterlogged dress,
and tell me that I had no name?

Mother, can we unravel time and bless
all past mistakes? Can you tell me why
you didn't name me?
when I've stood alone in a thousand dark gardens
and begged to be consumed by starfire
Didn't you hear me? Didn't you believe me?
Where have you BEEN?

Mother, they are laid out on the plain, 6 bodies deep
in blood lit by lightning from converging hurricanes
and in the dead armies I see your stamping feet
I see your arms stirring the clouds and your eyes insane
I hear you laugh and scream and your anklets ring
as you crush your children and drink blood and sing

this is the unstoppable black universe of you

and only I am left alive
and I am no-one
the war was death
and now the dance is death
but Mother, Mother, at last
you are here, at least
you are beautiful
 

Suryodaya

suryodaya, the wave that wakes us
steaming land and hills sweating cloud
brief and still and the crying of gulls and
herons, the backs of fish glowing
in the bay and the rivers trailing fingers
up the crevices of the hills

every night the houses and I and the stars
in a dance full of gravity
rabbits creeping up to the dark grass
light from the kitchen in the tips of their fur
and I'm swaying, almost crazy from not talking
all of my life filtering through my mind
and my hands and my skin are not mine, they're moving
in a ritual of morning

I give the world it's geometry today
from schizoid equations and predictions
curves on the axes of my field of vision
patterns I see in the carpet and the grass and the sky
patterns I feel run through my flesh
as a silent, heavy core moves along the breeze
sliding down the arms of an attractor, wings
designed in dreams, given to the memory of the garden

and I'm so alone at the heart of my universe
and I love everything that I see,
standing still under the trees, a glittering mother
giving birth to the sun and my lovers

Colourless Fire

and then the rain of colourless fire
on the children dancing all night in warehouses
skin greasy like candles, dark wicks of hair,
chewing on rat poison, speaking in silent tongues
blind in the embrace of the mother heartbeat

in the living rooms of strange houses, black paper
holding the creeping dawn from the windows
sweat streaking the walls, bodies swaying
like fronds of seaweed, sleeping heads on stalks
drifting forgetfully down the dry ice river

when you're coming up, do you like to talk?
or to hug, dance, fuck, sing, laugh, cry -
to make a crucifix of yourself against the sun
something to hold back demons and daylight,
to exchange a year, three years of life just for tonight

magnesium babies burning karma, like sadhus
in their years of penance, palms pierced
by their own fingernails, limbs withered,
eyes bright, gaze unmeetable, bodies twisting
like saplings in a slow flame, the ecstasy kids

rubbing each others cheeks and bellies
chewing spearmint and smoking menthol
crushed and burnt and moulded into each other
this is how they learned to link hands
across their void, and they don't care how it ends

XTC

I'm running
I'm high on birdwing delight
I'm drunk on old sunlight
I've had enough of insight

I'm suddenly brave
I'm dashing through the streets at night
I'm not wrong and I'm not right
I'm insane and impolite

I'm shadow, I'm ammonite
I'm spiralling through time tonight
I'm breathing and bright
I'm stealing the moonlight

I'm struck dumb
I'm afraid of the energy
I'm in love with the anarchy
I'm a part of the synergy

I'm as fluid as a symphony
I'm enraged in ecstasy
I'm the enemy of entropy
I'm a tender anemone

I'm a melody of one
I'm Celsius, I'm Farenheit
I'm running at a great height
I'm stealing the afterlife

I'm dawning in the dark
I'm in the park in the morning
I'm the man you see yawning
In the lemon-yellow light.