A Stupid Prayer

Forgive me my falseness
I don't know how to be honest
I've always been so selfish
and I've always wanted to be so special

if anything or anyone hears me
when I whisper to myself at night
in the dark, under the covers,
I hope you understand I had no chance

I couldn't hear you, I couldn't see you
and all my words just fell into silence
for every beautiful feeling
it seemed I had to hurt someone

I didn't know why or how to love
or why I was born wanting to
and if you can hear me, please
tell me nothing is lost

because even though this was a spoiled life
I don't want it to be swallowed
into the darkness before and after time -
please tell me you know me,

you forgive me, you lay your hands on me,
you gather my little life into eternity,
you see through my eyes, you listen
with my ears, you kiss with my lips -

tell me these words aren't useless
as we wander through our weird cities
and sleep all tangled together
and breathe sweet smoky air

I woke up as a flame in a fading light
and maybe I know who I am
maybe it's a vast and funny harmony
but I'm so tired, please will you carry me

Machine Code Raindrop

this droplet from dark twig mirroring glints of glows
of fire in forest canopy burning throat of sky
and raindrop falling for insect-lifetime from space-edge
gathering images forgetting purpose frozen unfrozen and high

this fierce bonfire mind calm in rainstorm ghostly
called twice in pain from abandoned chest-locked heart
end of raindrop journey smashed into blackened skin
and arms bruised to bone and ash-whitened flung apart

seeks language made schizoid by intuition
seeks subjects and subroutines rivered from fingers to flame
for crashing continents for kissing oceans
leaf-ash floating higher, falling on storm-inspired no-names

singing and dancing closer, the leaf and the lover
flower-picker sweet and bell-ankled and henna-tattooed
clear water pouring from overloaded palms, over-
whelmed eyes, overcome heart-deep by ridiculous truths

and once in loneliness on knees in winter needles
roaring forest for choosing madness over agony
and raindrop floating earthward for infinite lifetimes
soaking into skin soft forgiveness of entropy

the inevitability of gravity, the hunger of whirlpools,
lost incantations and lore of amorality of love
of lunacy of loss and ecstasy of laughter of organs and bones
and taste of god the droplet bled from sun-veins above